I follow Dave Ramsey on Instagram, and he shared a quote last week that said, “Failure is an event, not a person,” and it lined up with some things that have been swirling around in my head for weeks.
In my favorite Bible study of all time, Freedom, it says that guilt is about what you’ve done, and shame is about who you are. And in another book I’m reading called “Altar Ego” by Craig Groeschel, he explains that we’re not yet who God wants us to be. And while I may define myself as fat, with God’s help, I can be fit. It’s possible, but this isn’t a post about losing weight. It’s about self-control, shame, and living a godly life.
Since my birthday I’ve been fighting feelings of shame because I’m still so overweight. I’m nowhere near as heavy as I’ve been in the past, but I’m also not focused on losing weight. Weight-loss is not a priority in my life right now, so it’s not surprising that I’m not losing weight. I’ve started to notice that I don’t feel good about where I am and that I need to make some changes, but shame is a liar.
After dropping 100 pounds in 2017 I felt good about getting so close to my lowest weight as an adult, and I’m still thankful and relieved that I’m much smaller now, but I’m not just talking about the number on the scale. I’m talking about my desire to live my life in spiritual order.
I used to let my emotions control my decisions, and that was not a good plan. Now I’m realizing that I let my cravings drive a lot of my decisions. Food cravings are real, and cravings don’t always stop there.
Sometimes I crave food, but other times I crave material things. And there are times I crave attention. The latter used to be a big driving force for me too until I decided that I’d rather please God than strangers on the internet. Even so, there are times when my cravings cause me to eat when I’m not hungry – especially at night, and I don’t want my cravings to control me.
I ask God to refresh my spirit and strive to make my soul (mind, body, and will) obedient to it. And recently I
learned re-learned that my body needs to let my spirit take the lead in my life, and that every part of me – spirit, soul, and body – needs to surrender to Christ everyday if I want to live the godly life that He purposed for me.
I’m so far from where I once was when I let my feelings dictate my life – when I felt empty, undeserving, and ashamed, and while it’s not fun to address the areas that still need to change, I’m happy that God is working to complete the work that he started in me. Revisiting my unhealthy desire for food is part of that, and I’m thankful that He’s gracious and merciful and that I don’t have to wait to reach some level of perfection before He uses me to accomplish his purpose for my life. I know I’m on the right track, and I’m looking forward to peeling back more layers that bring me closer to the person whom God created me to be.